did big bird go to jail

NEW YORK — Huge, anthropomorphic canary and “Sesame Street” cast member Big Bird was arrested late last night for loitering outside of the Love Puppet, a sex club in the “Sesame Street” Red Light District, distressed PBS representatives confirmed.

“I don’t think any of this is very fair. I just heard I could learn a fun new dance if I asked for ‘Sugar’ at the Love Puppet,” said the beloved children’s show character after conferring with his attorney. “But I wasn’t in there very long before a police man wrestled me to the ground — he put me in handcuffs, and even brought out a tiny little pair for my teddy bear, Radar. And he asked me if I understood my rights as he read them to me, but he didn’t even have a storybook. I just want to go home to my nest.”

“I responded to a call that someone was mocking and humiliating Love Puppet patrons with basic, easily understandable questions about their activities at the club,” claimed Krupky. “I arrived at the scene to a coked-out, 8-foot-tall avian asking customers if they’d like to learn what the letter ‘D’ stands for. Per my conflict escalation training, I instinctively reached for my gun, but luckily for everyone, Big Bird’s imaginary friend Snuffleupagus jumped in front of him before I could pull the trigger.”

PBS is seizing the opportunity to teach its young audience about the more mature subjects involved.

“Sex work, masturbation, drug use, police brutality, Miranda rights: take your fucking pick, right? Big Bird, a children’s icon, arrested at a gentlemen’s club? I mean, the general public didn’t even know ‘Sesame Street’ had a red light district. That’s a buffet of trauma we’re going to get to unpack for years,” said Howard Dougherty, a writer on the show. “Of course, ‘Sesame Street’ has a long history of educating children on real world issues. But we haven’t had something that hits this close to home since the Count came out as an anti-vaxxer.”

Furthering the “Sesame Street” star’s legal woes, Big Bird’s name was reportedly mentioned several times in a recently unsealed email correspondence between Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.

The Story[]

It should come as no surprise that Sesame Street has addressed a number of issues that many kids and even adults face, like death and even jail. However, a lot of people are unaware that Sesame Street once had an episode that was deemed too spooky to air. The 1994 episode, titled “Big Bird Goes To Jail,” was filmed.

I was working at the PBS Network when I learned about this specific episode. I had been there since 1984, and I must say that I detested every minute of it. My boss was a jerk, and many of my coworkers weren’t much better. I nearly lost my job because I became furious and attacked Josh, one of them, for reporting something I hadn’t done. I mean, who can blame me? Snitches get stitches! Cleaning out the archives was my punishment, not getting fired. I didn’t anticipate what would happen later on; I assumed that this would be the worst day of my life!

While doing some cleaning on one of the shelves, I came across an old tape that was labeled “Sesame Street – Prison Episode.” It was from 1994, so it wasn’t that old, but let’s not argue about it. I was confused by the sloppy Sharpie writing, but there was no better time to clear my head than the present, so I put the TV and VCR in their proper locations and inserted the tape through the tray.

The episode began with Gordon introducing the audience after the funky 90s remix of the Sesame Street intro played normally. “Hello! Welcome to Sesame Street! Big Bird is thrilled as it’s his birthday!” I asked, “What does a birthday celebration have to do with jail or prison?” I carried on watching the tape, assuming it was just an error. Subsequently, Big Bird approached Gordon and repeatedly declared that he was extremely happy, in true Big Bird fashion. I had assumed that this would be a typical episode, but what happened next was so unexpected that it continues to give me nightmares.

Two police officers approach Big Bird with their pistols pointed at him as they exit the vehicle with their sirens activated. Big Bird opened his mouth to say something, but a third policeman rushed over and pepper sprayed AND tazed him simultaneously! They then pinned him down and handcuffed him. Gordon asked, “What’s happening?” Gordon attempted to correct the officers, but he got no response. The policeman who dragged the sobbing bird to the patrol car said, “Big Bird, you are under arrest for theft and attempting the murder of Cookie Monster. You have the right to remain silent.” Gordon asked if he can accompany Big Bird. “If you’d like to, bid him farewell, that is!” the laughing female police officer mocked. The car drove away after that.

This had to have been a sick joke, of course! An isolated practical joke on the PBS staff! I continued watching to see what would happen. One of the entertaining cartoons that would later appear in the episodes followed, but this time it hinted at what was to come. It featured a melancholic looping animation of a man sobbing while sitting in a jail cell and wearing an orange jumpsuit. Although it sounded realistic, the two minutes that the cartoon lasted were still unnerving and depressing. Then, it cut to outside the jail, where it was announced that Big Bird was accused of stealing and attempting to kill.

Big Bird, upon hearing his sentence once more, broke down realistically and uncontrollably. “Gordon?” he cried, “I’m going to miss you!” Gordon attempted to pull back, “I’m going to miss you too, Buddy, but youll only be in jail for 10 years, thats not too long!” Gordon then started crying. Big Bird was dragged inside the prison, which was named the “Sesame Street County Jail” on the sign, by the police, and one of them led Gordon to the door.

This is where the episode takes a really dark turn. Based on Sesame Street conventions, you would think that the jail would be a make-believe facility with extra puppets played by Jim Henson serving as the inmates, maybe even performing a song. But NO! HELL NO! The prison was real, and the prisoners were real, dangerous, and they automatically started jumping around and punching the cell doors to get to them when Big Bird and the officer passed by. Big Bird covered his eyes with his arm because he was obviously scared, but the officer restrained him, claiming that moving his arm or wing constituted disobedience. This is pretty fucking stupid, and I felt bad for Big Bird.

The action cut to a shot of Big Bird in his jumpsuit before he was guided into his nearly too-small pod. “Officer. Big Bird whimpered, “Oh youre scared are you huh? you actually scared?! Well, you asked for it! BOYS!” as the officer fled the pod and was followed by the muffled cries and yells of the prisoners, which grew louder. Eventually, two of the inmates entered and began to annoy Big Bird. One Asian man with a long black beard yelled, “YOU MINE, SON! YOURE MAKING MY COCK FEATHERY TONIGHT MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!” while the other screamed, “ITLL BE YOUR EYES FOR OUR DESSERTS TONIGHT!!! IF NOT THAN ITS YOUR WHOLE FACE!!!” He then took a SHANK out of his pocket and began wildly waving it about Big Bird’s face, making him cry for Gordon, Bob, and Maria.

Bert was shown reading the newspaper in the apartment after that. Flipping through the pages, he discovers the Big Bird news. Then Ernie enters, crying, “Oh, Bert! Im worried about Big Bird! I heard that you can get raped and killed in prison! Oh Bert! What do we do?” Like Ernie, I was beginning to get concerned, but then Ernie said something that I was unable to understand: “Bert, its so sad that Mr. Snuffleupagus had committed suicide after the trial! Big Bird has no one now!” GOOD GOD! What even was this episode? This was depressing and mildly frightening. I checked, and there was only one scene remaining. Thank heavens, but I was so terrified when I saw it that I tripped and fell off the stool I was sitting on!

The image showed Big Bird lying in his pod covered in blood, with the prisoner’s shank placed next to the blood pool that surrounded him. There was no sound at all save for the faint echoing noises from the prisoners and you can hear police officer evil laughing as he says, “Finally, it popped in so quick, can you really blame me for falling over?” “. The tape then came out of the VCR after the credits rolled over, saying “It Was Done By Me.”

Later, I burned and destroyed the tape before throwing it away because I never wanted to see that tape again.

Destroy and avoid watching any Sesame Street VHS that you come across that contains a lost episode.

Its For You Own Good.

“I answered a call that someone was making fun of and embarrassing Love Puppet customers by asking them simple, comprehensible questions about what they were doing at the club,” stated Krupky. When I got there, an eight-foot-tall, coked-out avian was asking the patrons if they wanted to know what the letter ‘D’ stood for. Fortunately for everyone, Big Bird’s imaginary friend Snuffleupagus jumped in front of me before I could pull the trigger, in accordance with my conflict escalation training. ”.

“I don’t think any of this is very fair. The adored character from a children’s show said, “I just heard I could learn a fun new dance if I asked for ‘Sugar’ at the Love Puppet,” following a consultation with his lawyer. But it didn’t take long for a police officer to wrestle me to the ground, handcuff me, and even pull out a tiny pair for my teddy bear, Radar. He didn’t even have a storybook, but he read me my rights and asked if I understood them. I just want to go home to my nest. ”.

PBS is taking advantage of the chance to educate its younger viewers on the more complex subjects at hand.

Big Bird’s name was purportedly mentioned multiple times in a recently revealed email exchange between Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein, adding to the “Sesame Street” star’s legal troubles.

“Take your fucking pick regarding sex work, masturbation, drug use, police brutality, and Miranda rights. Big Bird, a beloved character for children, was arrested at a gentlemen’s club? The general public was unaware that “Sesame Street” had a red light district? That’s a plethora of trauma that we will have years to sort through,” the show’s writer Howard Dougherty remarked. Naturally, “Sesame Street” has a long history of teaching kids about real-world problems. But since the Count declared himself to be against vaccines, we haven’t had anything that is so personal. ”.

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