how to explain birds and bees

A guest post from sexual health educator Amy Lang

It can be difficult to talk to children about sex, regardless of how open, knowledgeable, or self-assured you are. These conversations can be awkward and uncomfortable for all parties involved, but don’t let these feelings stop youthere is good news!

Over and over again, when teens are surveyed, they say the people who have the most influence over their sexual decision-making are their parents and primary caregivers!

We possess strength and sway, and they yearn for and require our communication.

Sex education at school is in no way enough. The last places kids should turn for information are their peers, pornography, and the media, so it’s up to YOU to provide it to them.

Like all other parents, you probably have no idea when or how to initiate these conversations, let alone what information children should be exposed to at different ages and stages. However, just like any other challenging aspect of parenting, you can become confident in your ability to handle this.

These discussions center on children’s physical and mental well-being, safety, and readiness for one of the most significant and consequential periods of life. The earlier you begin (five is not too young), the better, as they will grow accustomed to these exchanges and realize that you are their go-to source for birds and bees.

Children who communicate openly with their parents about their sexuality are also given some protection against sexual abuse.

You are capable of accomplishing this! You presumably want your children to make wiser choices regarding this aspect of life than you did, and to be better equipped for it as well. To do this, use the power and influence that your adolescent self has confirmed.

Having a Discussion

{“smallUrl”:”https://www. wikihow. com/s/thumb/8/88/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-4-Version-2. jpg/v4-460px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-4-Version-2. jpg”,”bigUrl”:”/s/thumb/8/88/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-4-Version-2. jpg/aid1123467-v4-728px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-4-Version-2. jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”License: Creative Commons</a> </p> </p></div>”} 1 Have occasional big discussions. Even though you should always be ready to respond to inquiries regarding sex throughout your child’s life, you may occasionally need to have a sit-down conversation. This may occur when your child reaches a specific age, before or after starting sex education at school, or at any other time when circumstances have changed to the point where they would naturally have a lot of questions regarding sexuality, sex, reproduction, and orientation. Inform your child in advance that you would like to have a conversation with them about sex and reproduction, but use language that is upbeat. Say something along the lines of, “As you get older, I think you’re mature enough to learn some things about sex you might find interesting.” Aim to have the first sex talk with your child when they are still young because it’s best for them to hear about sex from you. As mentioned earlier, you have the freedom to choose what subjects to discuss with your child, but by the time he is five years old, try to have a conversation with him about how babies are made. [10] .
{“smallUrl”:”https://www. wikihow. com/s/thumb/6/66/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-5-Version-2. jpg/v4-460px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-5-Version-2. jpg”,”bigUrl”:”/s/thumb/6/66/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-5-Version-2. jpg/aid1123467-v4-728px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-5-Version-2. jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”License: Creative Commons</a> </p> </p></div>”} 2 Discuss menstruation with girls. Make sure your child feels comfortable approaching you with any questions regarding periods, as anyone with a uterus can begin menstruating as early as age nine. (if they will menstruate) Your child needs to understand the fundamental physical characteristics that cause menstruation. When having this conversation, it is useful to have a medical diagram of the female reproductive system available. As previously mentioned, feel free to consult outside sources when talking about the procedure if you are uncomfortable with your own medical knowledge. [11] Your daughter should be aware that the moment her menstruation begins, she should contact you. You can assist them with the emotional effects that menstruation may have by getting them the appropriate tampons or sanitary napkins. [12] Your child may be familiar with the term “period” or even know what it is. “Do you know if anyone in your class has had their period yet?” is a good place to start. See how they react. Allow them to ask questions throughout the discussion. [13] .
{“smallUrl”:”https://www. wikihow. com/s/thumb/0/09/1123467-6. jpg/v4-460px-1123467-6. jpg”,”bigUrl”:”/s/thumb/0/09/1123467-6. jpg/aid1123467-v4-728px-1123467-6. Discuss ejaculation, erections, and wet dreams with boys. jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”License: Creative Commons</a> </p> </p></div>”} 3 Teens can begin having erections and feeling aroused as early as age nine, even though a ten-year-old may not need to understand the ins and outs of safe sex. Talk to your son about these subjects at a young age to help him realize that they are typical aspects of growing up. Many teenagers know something about erections because they’ve heard crude jokes about “boner” people on the playground or seen other students or friends go through them. Ask your child first if they know what an erection is, and then explain to them the physiological mechanisms that lead to arousal, erections, and ejaculation. Teens must comprehend that getting an erection is a hormonal reaction and that it’s a typical aspect of growing up and puberty. It is best to have this conversation as soon as possible because anyone who has a penis may ejaculate for the first time in a dream and become confused or even afraid of what is happening. [15] .
{“smallUrl”:”https://www. wikihow. com/s/thumb/3/37/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-7-Version-2. jpg/v4-460px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-7-Version-2. jpg”,”bigUrl”:”/s/thumb/3/37/Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-7-Version-2. jpg/aid1123467-v4-728px-Talk-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees-Step-7-Version-2. jpg”,”smallHeight”:345,smallWidth”:460,”bigHeight”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”License: Creative Commons</a> </p> </p></div>”} 4 Don’t be afraid to tackle contentious issues. Many parents believe that when talking to their kids about sex and reproduction, contentious topics should be avoided. But it’s better if you teach your child about these subjects than if they hear false information from another ignorant teen. [16] The majority of the more contentious sexuality-related topics are best saved for a later sex talk, perhaps when your child is about to enter high school. Many of their friends and classmates might start experimenting with sex around this time. [17] Since teens typically lose their virginity around the age of 15, make sure your teen feels comfortable talking to you about sex and sexuality. Talk to your child about topics such as oral sex, contraception, STDs, and safe sexual behavior soon after they start high school. [18] Be sure to discuss the emotional aspects of sexuality and sex as well. Particularly in their early years, your child should understand that having sex has an emotional impact and that they should never make decisions about their bodies unless they are emotionally prepared. [19] .
5 Talk to your child about gender and sexual orientation. You can start the conversation with your kids about the LGBTQ identity spectrum once you have a basic understanding of it. Tell your kids that you will always love them, even if you have no idea what the future holds. [20] Talk about how our world’s diversityincluding our racial and ethnic backgrounds, gender identities, and sexual orientationsmakes each of us special and amazing individuals. By teaching and exhibiting acceptance of LGBTQ identities, you can assist your child in becoming a constructive agent of change in our society. Educate yourself first. You can better respond to your children’s inquiries if you are knowledgeable about the full range of gender identities, including gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, and queer. Work against gender roles. Early in life, gender norms and stereotypes are established, and as parents, we unintentionally reinforce them. While baby boys are usually given blue overalls and trucks, baby girls are usually given pink dresses and dolls. Often, we dont even consider it. According to current research, gender roles can be harmful to people of all genders and sexual orientations because they force and expect people to behave in particular ways based on their gender.
6 Teach your child what a healthy relationship looks like. Honesty, trust, respect, and open communication are essential components of healthy partnerships, as are effort and compromise from both parties. Partners work together to make decisions, value each other’s independence, and are free to act independently without fear of reprisal or retaliation. [21] Discuss consent and communication. When you give your consent, which is most frequently used when engaging in sexual activity, you are expressing that you are comfortable with what is happening and that no one is pressuring or coercing you into doing anything against your will. The ability to give and withdraw consent is unrestricted, and giving consent once does not guarantee that you will do so again. All partners should be comfortable using protection and respectful of each other’s wishes. In terms of communication, all partners should talk openly about intimacy, sex, and protection.

Advertisement Part

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Join me for a free workshop on how to get kids to listen without yelling, nagging, or losing your cool. Classes are offered multiple times a week to fit into your hectic schedule.

FAQ

How do you explain birds and bees to a child?

Explain to your kids that it is not okay for anyone else to see or touch their private parts, Dr. Wilson says. Let them know that if someone does try to touch their private parts, they need to tell someone. While a trusted adult is a common choice, many young children may not understand that concept.

What exactly is the birds and the bees story?

Meaning. According to tradition, “the birds and the bees” is a metaphorical story sometimes told to children in an attempt to explain the mechanics and results of sexual intercourse through reference to easily observed natural events.

How do you explain the birds and the bees biblically?

In Matthew 5:27-32, Jesus gets real about the birds and the bees. He calls us to never commit adultery, lust after others, or get divorced. For many people today, his teachings might seem like a buzz kill (pun intended), but that doesn’t mean his teachings are wrong.

What age should you talk about the birds and the bees?

Preteen: Puberty happens around the 9 to 12 age range. It’s important to have the puberty talks with children before then, so they are prepared. Around 3^rd grade or 4^th grade may be where the sex talk in traditional terms may be more memorable for the child.